Decoding The Indigenous Definition Of Love

What is love globally?

Love is unconditional. Love is pure. Love is the base of existence. The term ‘I Love You’ is said in every relationship in other countries. But in India it is confined to one aspect predominantly.

What is love in India?

Somehow, due to the influence of cinema or We, Indians seem to get the basic definition of love wrong in general. As youngsters, say in teens love is considered a taboo. Not sure how many guys were said so. But when girls go for studies, extra classes parents fear. A grandmother would shout at parents, “Pombala Pulla, Padika Vecha Love pannitu poiduva”.(Girl child, if you let her read she will love someone and runaway)

How many of you have heard this dialogue? 

How many fathers said “She is my daughter she won’t commit such a mistake” ? 

See, the basic definition is wrong. And one fine day parents fix an alliance. Throughout teens guys and girls are allowed to study in co-ed but there is always an invisible barrier because they would fall in love and suddenly after colleague they want two people to get married and in a year they urge to become parents. Some are lucky to find love. For some it will be lust at the first place and slowly they find love. And in some cases it would be lust throughout! And by the way, I am not against arranged marriage. Just want respect and love to be in the first place and sex is part of this beautiful relationship. As love sets in first sex becomes sacred.

In fact, my marriage is an arranged one and I am a new mother. Also, I am pro arranged marriage but only if there is a scope to get know, streamline oneself, know what one needs and wants in life, a promise from partner that there would be respect first, then love, freedom, encouragement in positive deeds, correcting when planning is bad, being equal, giving shoulder to shoulder in pursuing dreams. 

Photo by Lisa Fotios from Pexels

A marriage is where there is huge scope to get a life long friend, philosopher, guide, lover, mentor and what not? It paves a way for growth in all aspects of life. A partner helps in tremendous financial, emotional, physical, psychological, spiritual growth. He or she could be a twin flame if the definition of love is understood right. 

Here, as stated earlier love is a taboo. If the girl goes for tuition (colloquially) love would spoil her. If she pursues higher education love would spoil her. If she/he is in friendship with another gender after marriage that person has an illicit affair. These stems when one tries to put love in a box and is in fear.

See, seems even I got the definition wrong. Confining Love to Marriage. 

So What Is Love?

Love is being free. As parents, love is confidence when a child pursues higher education. As parents, love is freedom when the child goes out with friends. As Children, Love is being responsible with freedom. As a partner, love is trust when a spouse goes out with their friends, be it of any gender. As a partner, love is being the pillar and supporting the spouse in dreams and uplifting each other in their not so strong aspects. As a boss, Love is not over promising your clients and putting colleagues into trouble. 

As we decode we need to change the way we see love. Let’s shed the cinematic definition of love – be it the first night scene or the duet in exotic location. And to the teens love isn’t something that seems glossy when you are in higher secondary or in early college days. Because in that stage you tend to fall in love. But in Love there is no falling. Only in love people rise. If you are failing beware and time to change gears for good.

On exploring love, Love has various forms. It cannot be just put in a box and in a single definition. And there is a list which seems endless.

Love is helping elders. Love is sharing chores with parents. Love is being there for the right cause with siblings. Love is taking care of pets. Love is watering plants. Love is a trusting partner. Love is not talking behind a friend’s back. Love is happily doing your job at the office. Love is empathizing with a teammate for the right reason. Love is thanking God everyday for his abundance. Love is picking up oneself after a fall.

So, from this valentine’s day say those 3 words aloud and often. Make sure not to confine love. Love yourself and radiate love around to all unconditionally and live the best version of yourself. 

Happy Valentine’s Day! 🙂

I Love You! Never mind, I was looking at the mirror. 🙂

Why do you wait to utter these three words? 🙂

Start with yourself! 🙂

With love,

Rukmini P Kirthivasan

7 Things to manage stress during Exclusive Breastfeeding

Hello Mama and Papa, 

Congratulations on your bundle of joy!

Are you on this remarkable Journey?? 

Do you lament about lack of alone time? Or your spouse is feeling stressed and you see it visibly?

Read on! 

Breastfeeding journey is a marathon. It is something that creates bonding with the child. It is the precious gift that one could give for the child. The benefits of breastfeeding are numerous. But the journey or process as such is tiring. Though the journey is worth it, it takes a lot of patience, persistence and perseverance and it needs loads of self care rituals. 

On hearing self care ritual do not think of a relaxed pedicure, manicure or a 1 hour hair spa. You are not entitled for a complete 2 hours free time from the baby! It is an utopian concept. Either the child needs you or you will be constantly checking on the baby! Because after being a mother there is no single thought that’s all about only thyself. Even if it comes you will feel guilty about being selfish. So, it is always about the baby first and ourselves next. You could even be the single child not sharing things but the child occupies a lot of space in the head and yes that could cause a lot of stress as you are not used to it!

So in the minimum luxurious alone time one can do the following to keep oneself sane. 

7. Watching TV or Web Series

People do tell to have eye contact with the baby to have more bonding. Yes. It does give a beautiful bonding. But as a human being it could be difficult for you to look at the child 8-12 times a day for 20-30 minutes. So, there isn’t going to be anything wrong to watch tv after the baby has happily latched and closed his/her eyes! Subscribe to Amazon prime or Netflix (if you feel so), Hot star, Sun Next also is not a bad option. It may or may not bust your stress on all days but it could be really helpful when your baby is going through growth spurts and during cluster feeding! Do not hesitate to subscribe and watch your favourite shows. 

6. Dress Up 

Being a breastfeeding mother could put dressing up on the back seat. Not having time to comb your hair, say, not having energy to comb could be more precise. But just squeeze in time for your makeover. They are worth it! As you get dressed up and look presentable it would be refreshing for you and you will be confident about your looks after pregnancy. It will boost your overall mood. Believe me the next feeding would be more relaxed. 

5. Learn Something New

If you are used to something like writing, painting or reading; try a different one. Take up cooking, gardening, calligraphy or you can also prepare yourself for rejoining to work after maternity leave. A new course or technology could be the best bet if you are someone who doesn’t stress yourself out while learning technologies. These could make you intriguing. And you will look forward to it and during feeding you can speak with your baby! That will also be a wonderful way to bond with the child and he/she will also respond with aah, coo sounds. In general sharing will make things great and you will feel it. In the new hobby you will be a learner reminding you that you are also new to motherhood and will learn things eventually. 

4. Exercise and Sleep

If you have undergone c section or normal delivery it doesn’t change the time for body hormones to return to their original state! C section has an additional factor with respect to scar though. But in both cases walking is a great option. And with feeding for longer hours shoulders and neck could be under more stress! Do shoulder rolls, neck rotation and wrist work. They will help in flexibility of limbs. With breast feeding it could be difficult to get enough sleep. Make sure to sleep when your baby sleeps. Power naps will become your friend and you will just fall asleep as you count from 1-100. You will sleep just when it’s not even 30.

Photo by Wendy Wei from Pexels


3. Vent Out – Journaling, Speaking with friends

Venting out could be the best therapy for most of the things! There could be N number of old and new issues that clog the mind! It could cloud your analysis. Most of the successful persons in the world attribute their success to Journaling! Journaling has its own healing effects. It gives a clear idea to yourself what is important and what is not as you are consistent with it! And keeping in touch with friends can always take you to your best days. Speak up with your trusted friend once in a while. Just share your pressing issues. They could definitely come up with a solution as they see things from outside! If you find it rational you can always go with that! Or if you find people are judgmental just stick to Journaling. You can even destroy it if you need relief. That has its own effect! Just figure out which form is comfortable for you.

Also stay in touch with other new mommies! This could definitely tell you that you are not alone in the process and it is not that only you have given birth in this world! There are other similar people who go through the same as you. That could be a strength for you and you will feel a lot better as you get to know about other children and mommies. In the process do not forget that your partner is your best friend! Keep sharing your thoughts and of course love with your spouse! He will give awesome ideas to combat stress! 

2. Breathing and Prayer

Just breathe! Inhale and exhale! They are capable of doing wonders physically, psychologically, emotionally! It will remove the trapped toxins in no time and help to feel relaxed and refreshed in minutes! 21 times a day could be of greater benefit! Inhale through the nose and exhale through the mouth visualising that you are pushing all the negativity out! Believe me it’s a great exercise giving instant energy! Thanks to Relationship and Energy Healer Dr. Girish Kumar of Human Connect for this greatest lesson. It is useful anytime, not just during breastfeeding! Breathing helps to overcome any stressful situation. To get to know more about yourself and healing your relationships with others you can register for one free session with him to know where you stand. – https://human-connect.in/ 

Then sitting in front of your favourite lord could make your heart lighter. Pray with utmost calmness. No worries about time or time line or time zone. You have got all the time in this world and take one day at a time! Prayer could definitely make this beautiful journey wonderful! Just pray calmly! 

1. Be Present

Experience the power of now in every act that you do. It could be having a face wash! Feel it all the way through the process. Opening the face wash bottle, feeling the liquid on your hand, rubbing gently on your face! Enjoy the form against your skin! Feel the cold water splashing on your face! It’s great to enjoy such little things! And they give you instant energy! Similarly while feeding the baby, feel it with the whole of the heart! Visualize you are feeding whole some nutrients, unconditional love, positivity, great health as the baby latches on to you! Doing this in two of your feeds does make things really great! 

These could help you to keep yourself sane in the journey of exclusive breastfeeding! Share your experience and how you managed or manage stress during this marathon! If you are a papa tell us how you help your partner to combat stress!

Cheers and Love! 

Rukmini P Kirthivasan

Happy Pongal

This is one of the awesome festivals in India. This festival is all about respecting nature and it’s abundance! It is celebrated all over India but in different names!

Let’s worship the visible God ‘The Sun’ to give good yields this year and pray for the well being of all farmers! Let’s take a moment to thank all farmers for all the food we have eaten these many years and for all that we are going to eat in the coming years!


Photo by Darwis Alwan from Pexels

Pongal is more close to nature compared to all other festivals as it is an agricultural festival. In previous days oxen played a predominant role in agriculture. Though tractors have replaced oxen the species still play a vital role in the ecological pyramid and for all milk she has been giving, cows the second mother from different species! Not just cows all animals play a predominant role in the ecological pyramid and for the well being of society! 

Tomorrow being Mattu Pongal, a day where we thank all the bulls, cows, goats etc. Let’s take a moment to remember all those animals that have lost their lives in Amazon and Australian fire! They have been playing a crucial role in the ecological pyramid and now we are missing them!

Photo by Sabel Blanco from Pexels

Let’s pray the almighty for a safer world where there is a win-win situation for all the dwellers of this Earth! Together let’s live happily as one big family! 

By being by the side of nature we give the best place for the coming generations! 

Happy Indian Family wishes a very Happy Pongal! 🙂

Regards,

Rukmini P Kirthivasan

Starting A Family

Happy New year! 🙂 Hope you are doing well! I would like to share what will be up here in this blog for 2020.

This year, the blog will host ‘Series Writing’. Not clear? Well, let me explain. The series’ title is going to be ‘Starting A Family’ and there are going to be different posts underneath it. 

Starting a family is a real daunting task. While starting a new job is more of social status infused with economy; starting a family is more emotional plus the social and economy aspects! 

Agree? 

The institution of marriage in reality is portrayed as something to feel bad! Getting married is losing their freedom for guys and for girls is sacrificing their passion and dreams! This is how marriage is defined over years. The idea of marriage on the whole is something when happened people feel trapped and when it gets delayed people feel bad. These kind of push and pull thoughts creates an enormous amount of pressure on the process.

So, getting ready for marriage amongst the pressure from distant relatives, parents, friends, on top of all, social media posts and just like icing on the cake is the pressure from ourselves. The resistance that one creates in mind in the name of resentment, fear etc. becomes the major obstacle.

So, in this blog there are going to be series of posts on The Big Day of your life. 


Photo by Emma Bauso from Pexels .

On seeing the pre wedding shoots in the news feed it could seem like a bed of roses and one might beat themselves up for not taking the decision of getting married; But in reality certain amount of work needs to be done to get there. To handle the various pressure from different sources, primarily the pressure we put on ourselves have to be lifted. And to lift this pressure we have to help ourselves before seeking help or jumping into the blame shifting game. Because always a certain amount of knowledge of where we stand in mental state could definitely help us from getting overwhelmed. 

So knowing oneself is the first step in getting married. Sometimes, we would be our own enemy in the process and we would be blaming parents, horoscopes, situations etc. To ensure that we are our best friend, fall back in the pressure cooker process of Arranged Marriage in Indian Society it would be the best bet to know oneself!

So please tune to www.happyindianfamily.com for Part 1 of ‘Starting A Family’ which is ‘Knowing Yourself’ series! Every week there is going to be minimum of one post on the blog on aspects related to family!

Comments and Experiences are most welcome people!! Please share them without hesitation so that we can grow together as one cannot experience all things in this world but can read them and get to know! Catch you in next post! 

Until then, loads of love to one and all.

With Love,

Rukmini P Kirthivasan

The Year Of Dreams To Actions

Dreams are not what you see in sleep. They are the things that do not let you sleep. – Dr. APJ Abdul Kalam.

In my 3rd Standard or 4th Standard there was a lesson in English called ‘2005’. It is about an automated house. But it has no dwellers. It is programmed to do things on time! At 8 AM in the morning it will toast bread. Table comes out in the living room and shuffles cards for 4 for a rummy game. A bathroom automatically gears up for a bath of dog. And many other things are programmed in that house. In the streets as well there are no people! In the epilogue the author says that by 2005 there are going to be no people! All would have died and only machines stay till their batteries die out!

Sorry. I vaguely remember the epilogue. But ultimately there would be no human race on Earth! That is how the author concludes!

Next in the 2009, there came a movie 2012. It is all about world coming to an end. Earth crust becoming unstable after solar flare and only the millionaires are warned and common people are left out. In the series of events finally the only landmass that remains is Africa.

We also get to hear about ‘Pralayam’ where world is likely to get submerged in Water! And people tell it happens part by part and doesn’t happen in one stretch. The above book or movie is all about negative aspect. But 2020 has a different vision even before the year came into an existence.

Would like call this year as ‘The Year Of Abdul Kalam’ or ‘The Year Of Dreams to Actions’. Despite people speaking about destruction, negative aspects, problems, blame shifting; Dr. Abdul Kalam showed people to shift focus to construction, positivity, solutions and taking responsibility of a situation in his book where he visioned about 2020 – India as a developed nation!

Image Courtesy: Internet

He proved that being positive would give only positive effects for ourselves and our society. Just a look back on his death ceremony. People from all over India came to attend the ceremony but there was no chaos. People worked for one more day as a mark of respect. People silently paid tribute! But when other leaders pass(ed) away, a fear is seen rather respect. People stay at home fearing some chaos. But for the people’s president one could spot only love and respect flowing all over! That shows the kind of thought process, positive energy with which he carried himself and radiated around!

So, this year 2020, it’s time to take his vision forward professionally and personally subsequently taking our country to great heights! Let’s take better care of ourselves, family and automatically we will have time to take care of our nation! Let’s be one big Happy Family!

Wishing you all a very happy new year 2020. 😊

With Love,

Rukmini P Kirthivasan

Merry Christmas

Happy Indian Family wishes a very Happy Christmas to all!

Festivals are symbol of hope, joy and sharing! Christmas is all about gifts from Santa for all! When young it’s all about chocolates, cakes, playing with friends. As we grow up it’s about good career, more money and energy to grow! And in old age it’s about good health, peaceful sleep!

On this day let Santa come and gift all that we have been dreaming for! While unwrapping new gifts make sure to unwrap the gift boxes in hand!

Let’s count our blessings as more blessings are on our way!

Photo by Ylanite Koppens from Pexels

Happy Christmas! 🙂

With Love,
Rukmini P Kirthivasan

Why its Heart Over Brain?

Why a family blog? 

Why not something scientific or technical?

Here is the reason.

Emotions seem simple but are highly tricky. Get on one’s nerves easily and people are used to avoiding these once and for all as it becomes a habit! We, the people find it easy to avoid and more easier to neglect just to land in cow webs of emotional tangles. 

To put it straight, we are taught to look at marks and not hearts. We are conditioned to feel great and proud when a kid scores 100 in mathematics or science but we aren’t so happy when the child volunteers in an act of kindness. Even if happy it doesn’t seem to match the happiness of he/she getting a 100 or getting into a good University! Children can even go abroad and not even come to attend their parents when sick but the children being abroad even when their presence are much needed is seen as a status symbol by many parents! 

Image Courtesy: Photo by Kaboompics .com from Pexels

Many parents in fact feel proud about their son or daughter being busy when they are in dire need of help to accompany them! That is what marks, GPAs, science, mathematics, technology has done to us. 

And to be more open, while thinking about writing something on emotions, relationships; more math, science clogged head because that is how it has been conditioned so far! My mind came up with the following: ‘Who would read about these?‘, ‘People would read if posts are something related to career growth or about making money‘, ‘Who would read about emotions and familial circumstances?’, and ‘Who would want to know people deeper beyond the benefits they can get from them?’. Many more questions popped in head. And are still in mind!

This blog is more like getting to know on how these emotions work and I would like to break this math, science and technology getting into my head so much! Sometimes they make emotions go numb. This could be challenging to uncover stuff beyond the layers of math, science, competitions, jealousy, negativity in general and find love deep within and just let it unleash by itself. But it isn’t impossible because many people still believe ‘Love is powerful’ and the truth is, IT IS!

Image Courtesy: Man Standing in front of white board – Photo by Christina Morillo from Pexels


Am I the only one in the league fighting with these sci-tech-math to look into heart and connect with emotions so as to appreciate kindness same as intelligence?

And wining over these techie things will help us teach the coming generations that being brainy doesn’t have to be becoming heartless. Because this has more to do with starting a family especially gives strength to go through the current arranged marriage process in our country. 

Please comment!

Till then with loads of love,
Rukmini P Kirthivasan

Infectious Emotions

“The meeting of two personalities is like the contact of two chemical substances: if there is any reaction, both are transformed.” ― Carl Gustav Jung

Image Courtesy : Flickr, Image by Kevin Simmons

A family is the root as stated earlier! We are emotional beings. Some people accept and some people deny. But we all experience love, happiness, excitement and rage, anger, jealousy etc. Don’t know by what law people hold on to negative ones and don’t mind concentrating on positive ones.

We tend to think about all the negatives that can happen and feel sad over again and again but hardly feel happy thinking about positive outcomes. We meet many people and when two people meet there is a reaction. Change is likely to happen over time! There are many things that could be infectious in this world. People are the most infectious. It is what one hears over a period of time, people tend to become so sooner or later.

We have heard ‘n’ number of stories from neighbours, colleagues, parents, relatives, friends on how people have changed after marriage or after joining college or going to a place! It is nothing but reaction after meeting people and sharing thoughts! Positive thoughts are likely to give positive traits. Some People are wise to think and take positive traits and some tend to be otherwise! 

With an example from cinema it should be better to understand the reaction that is mentioned here. Ever seen Jigirdhanda – A Karthick Subburaj Movie? A soft spoken director meets a rigid rowdy. And in the climax, Rowdy becomes soft and the director picks up the traits of Rowdy!

In family this exchange is more common! And it happens without people’s awareness. There are couples where one is bolder and pulls another to the bolder level. It is simply an elevation of energy levels and feel supported by each other. And there are couples where one is bolder but another doubts every single aspect of life and together they become indecisive. 

But to this exchange to happen let’s be affirmative, only positive traits are exchanged between two; people should be ready to get into the institution of marriage. Here in India, many youngsters are dreadful of getting married! There is so much pressure in the process in itself, on parents and on eligible bachelorettes and bachelors. 

Ever felt the pressure of getting married? Please share your experience in the comments! We shall get some insights and with these we can handle situations better and help others to handle similar situations and above all it could be a good exercise to write away the stress here. Some could be really funny/silly. Let’s crib about ‘How 4 Peru 4 Vidhama Paesinanga?’ Also let’s discuss further on from where these come from and different types of comments and how this pressure can be lifted off from shoulders in the coming posts!

Till then enjoy every moment of your life! 🙂 

With Love,

Rukmini P Kirthivasan

Happy Margazhi

The king of months have arrived!

“Maasanam Maargaseershohum.” – Bhagavad Gita, 10.35 😊

Every year it is the same set of rituals. Getting up early. Drawing Kolam in front yard. Hearing Margazhi Maha Utsavam. Attending concerts in local temples. Hearing Thiruppavai – Thiruvempavai Meaning in a channel. Trying to follow the rules of Paavai Nonbu. Some days succeeding and some days failing miserably after seeing some ‘Diary’ products ad which make one drool. And at the end of the month eagerly waiting for next Margazhi vowing to oneself to follow the rules.

Simply put, it is ‘Than Muyarchiyil Satrum Thalaradha Vikramadhithan’ kind of for loop. All festivals are in repeat mode. The thing is how we receive the festivals each year! Ultimately interests matter and nothing else. And when it’s Margazhi, it is always welcomed with heart full of joy and joy only!

Happen to read an article from old newspaper dated January 11th 2010 on the greatness and history of Margazhi. Link in references. (Do read the link.) Festivals are celebrated to bring people from all walks of together! Vendor to CEO by designation in corporate it is for all. Festivals always have a global perspective and takes care of a country’s GDP. They are for all and by all!

Why Margazhi is different from other festivals is, rituals ensure that the entire ecological pyramid is taken care. A poem from ‘Paripadal’ explains the greatness of ‘Pavai Nonbu’ – வெம்பாதாக, வியல் நில வரைப்பு!’ – as all the rituals of Paavai Nonbu is done it protects the world from heat says the poet Nalandhuvanar in Paripadal 11.

While Margazhi is cold how does it protects the Earth from getting heated? It is said that as people wake up early and proceed with the Paavai Nonbu rituals it warms the environment for all organisms right from insects to animals. Cold is nothing but the absence of heat, as we proceed with the rituals it sets the optimum tone for next year rainfall which safeguard us from global warming!

It is great to realize that our ancestors have foreseen all factors and for all in the ecological pyramid, ensuring that the Earth is in Harmony creating a Win-Win situation for all its dwellers!

Why wait? Forget the snooze button and jump out of bed! Grab the Kolam dappa! Let’s rock on this Margazhi and contribute for next year rainfall! And getting up early during ‘Depression Prone Winter’ can really help us to evade the same. And don’t forget the ‘Monkey Kulla’. 😊

Instagramers like @ Kasturi_Venkat have really inspired us on Kolam and their nuances behind. Thank you! While colour kolams might seem to have chemicals in it, as a little girl back then it has always inspired me to participate in Margazhi. It is okay to go for it and as one realizes the actual reason behind a ritual the fancy jiguna falls by itself! Maturity! 😁

Wishing you all a very Happy Margazhi! 😊

Images :

  • Colour Kolam by me at the front yard, drawn last year.
  • Vibrant colors all the way from Nandi Kovil Street, Tiruchirapalli.

With Love,

Rukmini P Kirthivasan

References:

http://www.tamilhindu.com/2010/01/paavai-nonbu-and-thai-neeraadal/

Painting – Aandal and Krishna – Krishna for today – Artist Keshav

Happy Indian Family – Home is where the heart is!

A Happy Family is but an earlier heaven

George Bernard Shaw

Happy Indian Family – Home is where the heart is; Is a Family Blog. It is Indian in the sense because I am from India and is used to practices here.

In India, family is the root. Here, it is more structured compared to other countries. There is less confusion of ‘Your Children, my children playing with our children’ unlike other countries; till a decade ago probably or at least on paper. Walking out of a relationship when things aren’t working out is altogether a different story and have to be spoken in later posts. The above mentioned is in specific for those with the mentality of evading one’s own responsibility; leaving a relationship with no closure after a child with or without getting into the institution of marriage, be it any nationality for that matter. 

So, family set up here in India or any other country is nothing but taking responsibility in one’s own hands. We need people who take responsibility right from college for his/her studies, taking control of one’s own marriage decision followed by starting family is the current need of the hour. It could be any decision in one’s life, in any case taking responsibility of one’s own action brings success in all endeavors. Putting an end to blame shifting.

Image courtesy : Pexels.com

Thus, The blog is about responsibilities in a family. A family is not about getting married! It first starts with an individual, then a family and it is strongly influenced by Health, People and Money! So on this blog there are going to be posts on Health, People, not so much about money like a financial blog but just a little about it. Then some get going factors of life like entertainment, travel, cooking and spirituality!

Need to mention here that the beauty of taking responsibility in a family or taking care of a family is that it has an impact on the society because not just charity begins at home; every thought is first sown at home and it just amplifies and make a lasting impact in the society. I Wish and pray to the almighty that this blog creates an impact in various aspects of life in a positive way! 

Hope you all will have a good time reading this blog and in the name of god I pinky promise not to bore with lengthy posts. Hope god heard that. 🙂

See you in the next post. 

Till then, let love fill your heart and positive attitude be the key in every endeavor of yours. 

With Love,

Rukmini P Kirthivasan