Decoding The Indigenous Definition Of Love

What is love globally?

Love is unconditional. Love is pure. Love is the base of existence. The term ‘I Love You’ is said in every relationship in other countries. But in India it is confined to one aspect predominantly.

What is love in India?

Somehow, due to the influence of cinema or We, Indians seem to get the basic definition of love wrong in general. As youngsters, say in teens love is considered a taboo. Not sure how many guys were said so. But when girls go for studies, extra classes parents fear. A grandmother would shout at parents, “Pombala Pulla, Padika Vecha Love pannitu poiduva”.(Girl child, if you let her read she will love someone and runaway)

How many of you have heard this dialogue? 

How many fathers said “She is my daughter she won’t commit such a mistake” ? 

See, the basic definition is wrong. And one fine day parents fix an alliance. Throughout teens guys and girls are allowed to study in co-ed but there is always an invisible barrier because they would fall in love and suddenly after colleague they want two people to get married and in a year they urge to become parents. Some are lucky to find love. For some it will be lust at the first place and slowly they find love. And in some cases it would be lust throughout! And by the way, I am not against arranged marriage. Just want respect and love to be in the first place and sex is part of this beautiful relationship. As love sets in first sex becomes sacred.

In fact, my marriage is an arranged one and I am a new mother. Also, I am pro arranged marriage but only if there is a scope to get know, streamline oneself, know what one needs and wants in life, a promise from partner that there would be respect first, then love, freedom, encouragement in positive deeds, correcting when planning is bad, being equal, giving shoulder to shoulder in pursuing dreams. 

Photo by Lisa Fotios from Pexels

A marriage is where there is huge scope to get a life long friend, philosopher, guide, lover, mentor and what not? It paves a way for growth in all aspects of life. A partner helps in tremendous financial, emotional, physical, psychological, spiritual growth. He or she could be a twin flame if the definition of love is understood right. 

Here, as stated earlier love is a taboo. If the girl goes for tuition (colloquially) love would spoil her. If she pursues higher education love would spoil her. If she/he is in friendship with another gender after marriage that person has an illicit affair. These stems when one tries to put love in a box and is in fear.

See, seems even I got the definition wrong. Confining Love to Marriage. 

So What Is Love?

Love is being free. As parents, love is confidence when a child pursues higher education. As parents, love is freedom when the child goes out with friends. As Children, Love is being responsible with freedom. As a partner, love is trust when a spouse goes out with their friends, be it of any gender. As a partner, love is being the pillar and supporting the spouse in dreams and uplifting each other in their not so strong aspects. As a boss, Love is not over promising your clients and putting colleagues into trouble. 

As we decode we need to change the way we see love. Let’s shed the cinematic definition of love – be it the first night scene or the duet in exotic location. And to the teens love isn’t something that seems glossy when you are in higher secondary or in early college days. Because in that stage you tend to fall in love. But in Love there is no falling. Only in love people rise. If you are failing beware and time to change gears for good.

On exploring love, Love has various forms. It cannot be just put in a box and in a single definition. And there is a list which seems endless.

Love is helping elders. Love is sharing chores with parents. Love is being there for the right cause with siblings. Love is taking care of pets. Love is watering plants. Love is a trusting partner. Love is not talking behind a friend’s back. Love is happily doing your job at the office. Love is empathizing with a teammate for the right reason. Love is thanking God everyday for his abundance. Love is picking up oneself after a fall.

So, from this valentine’s day say those 3 words aloud and often. Make sure not to confine love. Love yourself and radiate love around to all unconditionally and live the best version of yourself. 

Happy Valentine’s Day! 🙂

I Love You! Never mind, I was looking at the mirror. 🙂

Why do you wait to utter these three words? 🙂

Start with yourself! 🙂

With love,

Rukmini P Kirthivasan

Starting A Family

Happy New year! 🙂 Hope you are doing well! I would like to share what will be up here in this blog for 2020.

This year, the blog will host ‘Series Writing’. Not clear? Well, let me explain. The series’ title is going to be ‘Starting A Family’ and there are going to be different posts underneath it. 

Starting a family is a real daunting task. While starting a new job is more of social status infused with economy; starting a family is more emotional plus the social and economy aspects! 

Agree? 

The institution of marriage in reality is portrayed as something to feel bad! Getting married is losing their freedom for guys and for girls is sacrificing their passion and dreams! This is how marriage is defined over years. The idea of marriage on the whole is something when happened people feel trapped and when it gets delayed people feel bad. These kind of push and pull thoughts creates an enormous amount of pressure on the process.

So, getting ready for marriage amongst the pressure from distant relatives, parents, friends, on top of all, social media posts and just like icing on the cake is the pressure from ourselves. The resistance that one creates in mind in the name of resentment, fear etc. becomes the major obstacle.

So, in this blog there are going to be series of posts on The Big Day of your life. 


Photo by Emma Bauso from Pexels .

On seeing the pre wedding shoots in the news feed it could seem like a bed of roses and one might beat themselves up for not taking the decision of getting married; But in reality certain amount of work needs to be done to get there. To handle the various pressure from different sources, primarily the pressure we put on ourselves have to be lifted. And to lift this pressure we have to help ourselves before seeking help or jumping into the blame shifting game. Because always a certain amount of knowledge of where we stand in mental state could definitely help us from getting overwhelmed. 

So knowing oneself is the first step in getting married. Sometimes, we would be our own enemy in the process and we would be blaming parents, horoscopes, situations etc. To ensure that we are our best friend, fall back in the pressure cooker process of Arranged Marriage in Indian Society it would be the best bet to know oneself!

So please tune to www.happyindianfamily.com for Part 1 of ‘Starting A Family’ which is ‘Knowing Yourself’ series! Every week there is going to be minimum of one post on the blog on aspects related to family!

Comments and Experiences are most welcome people!! Please share them without hesitation so that we can grow together as one cannot experience all things in this world but can read them and get to know! Catch you in next post! 

Until then, loads of love to one and all.

With Love,

Rukmini P Kirthivasan

Infectious Emotions

“The meeting of two personalities is like the contact of two chemical substances: if there is any reaction, both are transformed.” ― Carl Gustav Jung

Image Courtesy : Flickr, Image by Kevin Simmons

A family is the root as stated earlier! We are emotional beings. Some people accept and some people deny. But we all experience love, happiness, excitement and rage, anger, jealousy etc. Don’t know by what law people hold on to negative ones and don’t mind concentrating on positive ones.

We tend to think about all the negatives that can happen and feel sad over again and again but hardly feel happy thinking about positive outcomes. We meet many people and when two people meet there is a reaction. Change is likely to happen over time! There are many things that could be infectious in this world. People are the most infectious. It is what one hears over a period of time, people tend to become so sooner or later.

We have heard ‘n’ number of stories from neighbours, colleagues, parents, relatives, friends on how people have changed after marriage or after joining college or going to a place! It is nothing but reaction after meeting people and sharing thoughts! Positive thoughts are likely to give positive traits. Some People are wise to think and take positive traits and some tend to be otherwise! 

With an example from cinema it should be better to understand the reaction that is mentioned here. Ever seen Jigirdhanda – A Karthick Subburaj Movie? A soft spoken director meets a rigid rowdy. And in the climax, Rowdy becomes soft and the director picks up the traits of Rowdy!

In family this exchange is more common! And it happens without people’s awareness. There are couples where one is bolder and pulls another to the bolder level. It is simply an elevation of energy levels and feel supported by each other. And there are couples where one is bolder but another doubts every single aspect of life and together they become indecisive. 

But to this exchange to happen let’s be affirmative, only positive traits are exchanged between two; people should be ready to get into the institution of marriage. Here in India, many youngsters are dreadful of getting married! There is so much pressure in the process in itself, on parents and on eligible bachelorettes and bachelors. 

Ever felt the pressure of getting married? Please share your experience in the comments! We shall get some insights and with these we can handle situations better and help others to handle similar situations and above all it could be a good exercise to write away the stress here. Some could be really funny/silly. Let’s crib about ‘How 4 Peru 4 Vidhama Paesinanga?’ Also let’s discuss further on from where these come from and different types of comments and how this pressure can be lifted off from shoulders in the coming posts!

Till then enjoy every moment of your life! 🙂 

With Love,

Rukmini P Kirthivasan