Indian Marriages – Preferences and Statistics

Thank you all for taking part in the survey. As per the survey, most people prefer love marriage in India. Some people took time to clarify why they had chosen love marriage over arranged and shared their own definitions of love and arranged marriages. From the messages and surveys it is clear that people are not okay for a marriage where they are forced. Seems there is more fear in getting married. Especially arranged marriage.

As per the survey in Instagram the poll results are: 81% prefer Love marriage and only 19% prefer arranged marriage.

Poll Results from Instagram

As per the poll in the Happy Indian Family page on Fb, 57% prefer love and 43% prefer arranged marriage. Quite close.

Poll Results from Facebook

These are preferences. But the Statistics of World of Weddings, as per 2nd December 2019, says that, 90% of marriages in India are arranged. There is a huge difference in the sample survey and the actual Statistics. The conversation rate of preference of love marriage to happening in real time is very less. There could be various reasons and let’s discuss the possible reasons in the coming posts. 

This conversation rate tells somewhere there is a miss in carrying love forward. And there are various definitions of love, arranged marriages. In the above mentioned survey by World of Weddings, they had mentioned about the latest trends and the changes in definitions; To put in a better fashion, revised definitions. 

Love marriage definition is clear and no revisions are made. It’s point blank. Arranged marriage has different types. The term arranged marriage is said to be the one where parents decide and no option or difference of opinion is considered from the bride or the groom according to the survey. And there is this new term called ‘semi arranged marriage’. In this, parents would see probable matches but the decision is left to the individuals. These are the revised definitions in Arranged marriages. 


Photo by Kaushal Moradiya from Pexels

When questioned about marriage to gen z of India there are mixed opinions but in all cases people expect that there shouldn’t be too much pressure from parents’ side. For the current trend and for a healthy relationship in any century be it love or arranged call it semi arranged taking responsibility is the key. As per the current definition, wish parents bring in proposals and do the background check and leave the decision to the bride and the groom will make them accountable and avoid blame shifting. 

Times are changing. People can’t be as innocent as the darling writer Ruskin Bond. In one of his interviews he stated that he isn’t married because he didn’t have a family (after the death of his father/grandparents) to arrange an alliance for him! So sad! But such is the legacy in India. But with changing trends, both parents and the eligible bachelors/bachelorettes should evolve and parents should refrain from pressurizing and children should take responsibility so that there are many happy Indian families living happily ever after.

In the future posts there will be posts related to ‘How to get ready for marriage? And How to enjoy the marriage process?’. The preparations start much ahead during college days even well before college days. Stay tuned to have a nostalgic ride as you prepare for your big day!

Loads of Love to you! 

Rukmini P Kirthivasan

References:

https://www.google.com/amp/s/www.cbsnews.com/amp/news/world-of-weddings-in-india-arranged-marriages-are-as-strong-as-ever/

https://www.google.com/amp/s/www.vice.com/amp/en_in/article/7x5vae/heres-what-indias-gen-z-really-thinks-about-arranged-marriage

Decoding The Indigenous Definition Of Love

What is love globally?

Love is unconditional. Love is pure. Love is the base of existence. The term ‘I Love You’ is said in every relationship in other countries. But in India it is confined to one aspect predominantly.

What is love in India?

Somehow, due to the influence of cinema or We, Indians seem to get the basic definition of love wrong in general. As youngsters, say in teens love is considered a taboo. Not sure how many guys were said so. But when girls go for studies, extra classes parents fear. A grandmother would shout at parents, “Pombala Pulla, Padika Vecha Love pannitu poiduva”.(Girl child, if you let her read she will love someone and runaway)

How many of you have heard this dialogue? 

How many fathers said “She is my daughter she won’t commit such a mistake” ? 

See, the basic definition is wrong. And one fine day parents fix an alliance. Throughout teens guys and girls are allowed to study in co-ed but there is always an invisible barrier because they would fall in love and suddenly after colleague they want two people to get married and in a year they urge to become parents. Some are lucky to find love. For some it will be lust at the first place and slowly they find love. And in some cases it would be lust throughout! And by the way, I am not against arranged marriage. Just want respect and love to be in the first place and sex is part of this beautiful relationship. As love sets in first sex becomes sacred.

In fact, my marriage is an arranged one and I am a new mother. Also, I am pro arranged marriage but only if there is a scope to get know, streamline oneself, know what one needs and wants in life, a promise from partner that there would be respect first, then love, freedom, encouragement in positive deeds, correcting when planning is bad, being equal, giving shoulder to shoulder in pursuing dreams. 

Photo by Lisa Fotios from Pexels

A marriage is where there is huge scope to get a life long friend, philosopher, guide, lover, mentor and what not? It paves a way for growth in all aspects of life. A partner helps in tremendous financial, emotional, physical, psychological, spiritual growth. He or she could be a twin flame if the definition of love is understood right. 

Here, as stated earlier love is a taboo. If the girl goes for tuition (colloquially) love would spoil her. If she pursues higher education love would spoil her. If she/he is in friendship with another gender after marriage that person has an illicit affair. These stems when one tries to put love in a box and is in fear.

See, seems even I got the definition wrong. Confining Love to Marriage. 

So What Is Love?

Love is being free. As parents, love is confidence when a child pursues higher education. As parents, love is freedom when the child goes out with friends. As Children, Love is being responsible with freedom. As a partner, love is trust when a spouse goes out with their friends, be it of any gender. As a partner, love is being the pillar and supporting the spouse in dreams and uplifting each other in their not so strong aspects. As a boss, Love is not over promising your clients and putting colleagues into trouble. 

As we decode we need to change the way we see love. Let’s shed the cinematic definition of love – be it the first night scene or the duet in exotic location. And to the teens love isn’t something that seems glossy when you are in higher secondary or in early college days. Because in that stage you tend to fall in love. But in Love there is no falling. Only in love people rise. If you are failing beware and time to change gears for good.

On exploring love, Love has various forms. It cannot be just put in a box and in a single definition. And there is a list which seems endless.

Love is helping elders. Love is sharing chores with parents. Love is being there for the right cause with siblings. Love is taking care of pets. Love is watering plants. Love is a trusting partner. Love is not talking behind a friend’s back. Love is happily doing your job at the office. Love is empathizing with a teammate for the right reason. Love is thanking God everyday for his abundance. Love is picking up oneself after a fall.

So, from this valentine’s day say those 3 words aloud and often. Make sure not to confine love. Love yourself and radiate love around to all unconditionally and live the best version of yourself. 

Happy Valentine’s Day! 🙂

I Love You! Never mind, I was looking at the mirror. 🙂

Why do you wait to utter these three words? 🙂

Start with yourself! 🙂

With love,

Rukmini P Kirthivasan

Starting A Family

Happy New year! 🙂 Hope you are doing well! I would like to share what will be up here in this blog for 2020.

This year, the blog will host ‘Series Writing’. Not clear? Well, let me explain. The series’ title is going to be ‘Starting A Family’ and there are going to be different posts underneath it. 

Starting a family is a real daunting task. While starting a new job is more of social status infused with economy; starting a family is more emotional plus the social and economy aspects! 

Agree? 

The institution of marriage in reality is portrayed as something to feel bad! Getting married is losing their freedom for guys and for girls is sacrificing their passion and dreams! This is how marriage is defined over years. The idea of marriage on the whole is something when happened people feel trapped and when it gets delayed people feel bad. These kind of push and pull thoughts creates an enormous amount of pressure on the process.

So, getting ready for marriage amongst the pressure from distant relatives, parents, friends, on top of all, social media posts and just like icing on the cake is the pressure from ourselves. The resistance that one creates in mind in the name of resentment, fear etc. becomes the major obstacle.

So, in this blog there are going to be series of posts on The Big Day of your life. 


Photo by Emma Bauso from Pexels .

On seeing the pre wedding shoots in the news feed it could seem like a bed of roses and one might beat themselves up for not taking the decision of getting married; But in reality certain amount of work needs to be done to get there. To handle the various pressure from different sources, primarily the pressure we put on ourselves have to be lifted. And to lift this pressure we have to help ourselves before seeking help or jumping into the blame shifting game. Because always a certain amount of knowledge of where we stand in mental state could definitely help us from getting overwhelmed. 

So knowing oneself is the first step in getting married. Sometimes, we would be our own enemy in the process and we would be blaming parents, horoscopes, situations etc. To ensure that we are our best friend, fall back in the pressure cooker process of Arranged Marriage in Indian Society it would be the best bet to know oneself!

So please tune to www.happyindianfamily.com for Part 1 of ‘Starting A Family’ which is ‘Knowing Yourself’ series! Every week there is going to be minimum of one post on the blog on aspects related to family!

Comments and Experiences are most welcome people!! Please share them without hesitation so that we can grow together as one cannot experience all things in this world but can read them and get to know! Catch you in next post! 

Until then, loads of love to one and all.

With Love,

Rukmini P Kirthivasan