Decoding The Indigenous Definition Of Love

What is love globally?

Love is unconditional. Love is pure. Love is the base of existence. The term ‘I Love You’ is said in every relationship in other countries. But in India it is confined to one aspect predominantly.

What is love in India?

Somehow, due to the influence of cinema or We, Indians seem to get the basic definition of love wrong in general. As youngsters, say in teens love is considered a taboo. Not sure how many guys were said so. But when girls go for studies, extra classes parents fear. A grandmother would shout at parents, “Pombala Pulla, Padika Vecha Love pannitu poiduva”.(Girl child, if you let her read she will love someone and runaway)

How many of you have heard this dialogue? 

How many fathers said “She is my daughter she won’t commit such a mistake” ? 

See, the basic definition is wrong. And one fine day parents fix an alliance. Throughout teens guys and girls are allowed to study in co-ed but there is always an invisible barrier because they would fall in love and suddenly after colleague they want two people to get married and in a year they urge to become parents. Some are lucky to find love. For some it will be lust at the first place and slowly they find love. And in some cases it would be lust throughout! And by the way, I am not against arranged marriage. Just want respect and love to be in the first place and sex is part of this beautiful relationship. As love sets in first sex becomes sacred.

In fact, my marriage is an arranged one and I am a new mother. Also, I am pro arranged marriage but only if there is a scope to get know, streamline oneself, know what one needs and wants in life, a promise from partner that there would be respect first, then love, freedom, encouragement in positive deeds, correcting when planning is bad, being equal, giving shoulder to shoulder in pursuing dreams. 

Photo by Lisa Fotios from Pexels

A marriage is where there is huge scope to get a life long friend, philosopher, guide, lover, mentor and what not? It paves a way for growth in all aspects of life. A partner helps in tremendous financial, emotional, physical, psychological, spiritual growth. He or she could be a twin flame if the definition of love is understood right. 

Here, as stated earlier love is a taboo. If the girl goes for tuition (colloquially) love would spoil her. If she pursues higher education love would spoil her. If she/he is in friendship with another gender after marriage that person has an illicit affair. These stems when one tries to put love in a box and is in fear.

See, seems even I got the definition wrong. Confining Love to Marriage. 

So What Is Love?

Love is being free. As parents, love is confidence when a child pursues higher education. As parents, love is freedom when the child goes out with friends. As Children, Love is being responsible with freedom. As a partner, love is trust when a spouse goes out with their friends, be it of any gender. As a partner, love is being the pillar and supporting the spouse in dreams and uplifting each other in their not so strong aspects. As a boss, Love is not over promising your clients and putting colleagues into trouble. 

As we decode we need to change the way we see love. Let’s shed the cinematic definition of love – be it the first night scene or the duet in exotic location. And to the teens love isn’t something that seems glossy when you are in higher secondary or in early college days. Because in that stage you tend to fall in love. But in Love there is no falling. Only in love people rise. If you are failing beware and time to change gears for good.

On exploring love, Love has various forms. It cannot be just put in a box and in a single definition. And there is a list which seems endless.

Love is helping elders. Love is sharing chores with parents. Love is being there for the right cause with siblings. Love is taking care of pets. Love is watering plants. Love is a trusting partner. Love is not talking behind a friend’s back. Love is happily doing your job at the office. Love is empathizing with a teammate for the right reason. Love is thanking God everyday for his abundance. Love is picking up oneself after a fall.

So, from this valentine’s day say those 3 words aloud and often. Make sure not to confine love. Love yourself and radiate love around to all unconditionally and live the best version of yourself. 

Happy Valentine’s Day! 🙂

I Love You! Never mind, I was looking at the mirror. 🙂

Why do you wait to utter these three words? 🙂

Start with yourself! 🙂

With love,

Rukmini P Kirthivasan

Merry Christmas

Happy Indian Family wishes a very Happy Christmas to all!

Festivals are symbol of hope, joy and sharing! Christmas is all about gifts from Santa for all! When young it’s all about chocolates, cakes, playing with friends. As we grow up it’s about good career, more money and energy to grow! And in old age it’s about good health, peaceful sleep!

On this day let Santa come and gift all that we have been dreaming for! While unwrapping new gifts make sure to unwrap the gift boxes in hand!

Let’s count our blessings as more blessings are on our way!

Photo by Ylanite Koppens from Pexels

Happy Christmas! 🙂

With Love,
Rukmini P Kirthivasan

Why its Heart Over Brain?

Why a family blog? 

Why not something scientific or technical?

Here is the reason.

Emotions seem simple but are highly tricky. Get on one’s nerves easily and people are used to avoiding these once and for all as it becomes a habit! We, the people find it easy to avoid and more easier to neglect just to land in cow webs of emotional tangles. 

To put it straight, we are taught to look at marks and not hearts. We are conditioned to feel great and proud when a kid scores 100 in mathematics or science but we aren’t so happy when the child volunteers in an act of kindness. Even if happy it doesn’t seem to match the happiness of he/she getting a 100 or getting into a good University! Children can even go abroad and not even come to attend their parents when sick but the children being abroad even when their presence are much needed is seen as a status symbol by many parents! 

Image Courtesy: Photo by Kaboompics .com from Pexels

Many parents in fact feel proud about their son or daughter being busy when they are in dire need of help to accompany them! That is what marks, GPAs, science, mathematics, technology has done to us. 

And to be more open, while thinking about writing something on emotions, relationships; more math, science clogged head because that is how it has been conditioned so far! My mind came up with the following: ‘Who would read about these?‘, ‘People would read if posts are something related to career growth or about making money‘, ‘Who would read about emotions and familial circumstances?’, and ‘Who would want to know people deeper beyond the benefits they can get from them?’. Many more questions popped in head. And are still in mind!

This blog is more like getting to know on how these emotions work and I would like to break this math, science and technology getting into my head so much! Sometimes they make emotions go numb. This could be challenging to uncover stuff beyond the layers of math, science, competitions, jealousy, negativity in general and find love deep within and just let it unleash by itself. But it isn’t impossible because many people still believe ‘Love is powerful’ and the truth is, IT IS!

Image Courtesy: Man Standing in front of white board – Photo by Christina Morillo from Pexels


Am I the only one in the league fighting with these sci-tech-math to look into heart and connect with emotions so as to appreciate kindness same as intelligence?

And wining over these techie things will help us teach the coming generations that being brainy doesn’t have to be becoming heartless. Because this has more to do with starting a family especially gives strength to go through the current arranged marriage process in our country. 

Please comment!

Till then with loads of love,
Rukmini P Kirthivasan